Author Topic: Night-time Garden Shenanigans  (Read 88 times)

Offline Mince

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Night-time Garden Shenanigans
« on: July 16, 2017, 10:33:11 AM »
I keep having things go missing from the back garden: some time last week, my metal sieve disappeared. Two days ago, my garden broom, old and dusty admittedly, also got nabbed.

Anyway, for my birthday, my wife bought me one of the cameras that fit into the car, so I had an idea. I rigged it up in the spare room, hanging slightly outside the window, looking into the back garden. It's has a wide angle view so it would see anyone coming into the garden. Literally the next night I hit jackpot. It was a warm night, dry and quiet, perfect for capturing a great HD video.

At about 2am, I heard a noise in the back garden, kind of like a scraping noise. I jumped out of bed, looked through the curtains and noticed that one of the wooden posts had been knocked over. I was also sure I saw something black, what I can only describe as a cloak, disappearing out of sight. So I decided to review the camera footage, and I ran into the spare room.

As I quickly swung through the doorway into the room, my hand grabbed something on the door frame: a piece of tinsel, still there from Christmas, my wife's idea of upstairs Christmas decorating, attached with selotape! It came off in my hand and, although it was dark, I knew the sticky tape would have taken off some of the paint. And the annoying part was the realisation that there were probably other decorations around the house still up there with that stupid sticky tape. Why do people do this? It's just beyond me. And then an idea came to me, both brilliant and practical. I would tell my wife to use masking tape from now on. At least then the paint and wallpaper would survive.


Online Tarquin Thunderthighs lll

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Re: Night-time Garden Shenanigans
« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2017, 01:20:07 PM »
Did you find your marbles though?
I apologise, in advance.

Offline Roger Kettle

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Re: Night-time Garden Shenanigans
« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2017, 06:30:40 PM »
I didn't understand Mince's post when I first read it so I went through it again. Didn't help.

Online Tarquin Thunderthighs lll

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Re: Night-time Garden Shenanigans
« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2017, 08:15:41 PM »
I'm on my fifteenth read. It's oddly cathartic.
I apologise, in advance.

Offline Sandy Buttcheeks

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Re: Night-time Garden Shenanigans
« Reply #4 on: July 16, 2017, 11:41:02 PM »
He's hit the Dandelion and Burdock again, hasn't he?

Oh, Mince...you were going so well!

Offline Diane CBPFC

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Re: Night-time Garden Shenanigans
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2017, 12:15:41 AM »
ask - I think "ask my wife" would be wiser.
People will come from strange lands to hear me speak my words of wisdom. They will ask me the secret of life and I will tell them. Then maybe I'll finish off with a song. The Nomad

Offline Redundant

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Re: Night-time Garden Shenanigans
« Reply #6 on: July 17, 2017, 06:32:00 PM »
I was keeping up until we got to the tinsel.   It almost seems like Mince interrupted himself whilst typing, which seems a tad bizarre but entertaining!  Meanwhile can we please, please please get an update on the phantom of the garden, the video coverage et al???
Dear life, would you at least consider the idea of using a lubricant?

Offline Mince

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Re: Night-time Garden Shenanigans
« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2017, 07:02:35 PM »
ask - I think "ask my wife" would be wiser.

Truer words have never been uttered, not if my wife's reaction is anything to go by the last time I 'told' her to do something rather than ask. How I regret that day. We were painting the bedrooms at the time, and my wife insisted on that two-colour thing where three walls are one colour - usually the darker one - and the other wall is a lighter complementary colour.

Now this means we had four different colours of paint on the go, and both of us had those sponge things where you literally wipe the paint onto the wall. Anyway, I thought we needed more ventilation in the room, more windows open, and decided to 'put' this to my wife just as she was opening another tin with a very large screwdriver.

Now, I know I should have asked, you know, made it a suggestion, but I was in a bit of a mood at the time, mostly because my wife had killed the kettle the day before and I had to resort to boiling water in a pan on the stove. And that just takes ages, which is odd because the gas used during that time is less than the electricity used by the kettle, unless of course you factor in the standing charge. Did you know they tried to charge me a day's standing charge when they were 'upgrading' the gas supply and I didn't have the use of it? I rang them up and told them how cheeky they were being, and I got £1 refunded.

Offline Roger Kettle

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Re: Night-time Garden Shenanigans
« Reply #8 on: July 17, 2017, 08:44:25 PM »
I know what this is all about. The new Doctor Who is a woman. You've cracked up.

Offline Diane CBPFC

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Re: Night-time Garden Shenanigans
« Reply #9 on: July 17, 2017, 09:39:05 PM »
I too think the rooms need more ventilation. 
People will come from strange lands to hear me speak my words of wisdom. They will ask me the secret of life and I will tell them. Then maybe I'll finish off with a song. The Nomad

Online Tarquin Thunderthighs lll

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Re: Night-time Garden Shenanigans
« Reply #10 on: July 18, 2017, 01:31:08 AM »
I don't think it's the rooms that need ventilating.
I apologise, in advance.